It happened to me. I hit a point where I find myself walking through the beautiful streets of Sevilla and absolutely dreading going back to the United States. I literally hit moments when I say to myself, “I can’t go back.” But then I’m brought back down to earth when I have a bad day with my practicum or I think about American food and I get homesick and think to myself, “only 2 more months of this, you can do it.” Honestly though those days are becoming increasingly less frequent.
Before coming to Spain I honestly thought I would immediately fit right in and it would be the life I always imagined for myself. But in reality there was a good solid amount of time at the beginning of my semester here where I woke up every single morning and thought to myself, “What the hell did I get myself into?” I even hit a point where I decided I hated Spanish and didn’t want to learn it anymore. I was so frustrated by the thick confusing Andalusian accent, the total lack of a normal time schedule, and other cultural differences. For example: I’m a fast walker and a fast eater. I always have been. In Sevilla people just wander down the street to their destination, and they just linger over their meals and cafes. As a result of this I got SO FRUSTRATED for the first month or so. The ambiguous attitude the teachers have both in my classes and in the school I teach at, the different relationships between guys and girls...I tried to be as open as possible but I honestly did hit a 10 foot wall at first.
Now my April self looks at my January/February self and just smiles. The only way I can explain it is that I used to be this 5’3” girl looking at a 10 foot wall in dismay. I spent a lot of time kinda sitting there and looking at it. Then that girl went to the store, bought gunpowder, and blew the wall up :) The strange and unfamiliar things I was constantly bombarded with at the beginning of my semester have now transformed into the normal and comfortable for me. I look at the Spanish culture and the language and I want to know and understand more. I search for ways to fully immerse myself and improve every day. Although I dropped my original plan to be a Spanish teacher I actually care more about learning the language now. My attitude towards school is completely different. In Spain parents don’t ask if you got an A, they ask if you passed the course. I have to admit, the attitude has crept into me with alarming ease. At the beginning of the semester I was afraid I wouldn't be able to let myself relax and slack off in school...haha what a joke. And last Sunday, I had a 4 hour lunch with my family. 4 hours. I would have died if I was forced to sit through a meal that long 4 months ago. Spaniards are like the modern, stylish version of high Jamaicans. Except they talk fast.
A lot of people say that they have changed a lot during this semester. Although I know for a fact that I have changed, I think what really happened is that I found myself in Spain. It’s not that I’m a new person, it’s that I used to not be myself. I guess when I hit moments of panic about coming back to Iowa City it’s more of a situation where I’m worried that I’ll lose myself again. I might get re-caught up in the little every day worries of grades, schedules, and the general fast pace of life. But I decided I’m just going to adjust my lifestyle and make it work. Gandhi said be the change you wish to see in the world. Now although I have no noble cause, I'm hoping I can bring the Spanish lifestyle to all of the people around me :)
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